trapped

I'm now within two weeks of the next school year, and crossing into this time period has some repercussions in my life: 1) It's now way too late to quit my job without putting the principal/school in a serious bind. 2) I feel trapped. 3) I used a lot of precious time this summer in the search for somewhere else to go, and in hindsight, wished I had planned a big adventure for myself instead and just gone away.

I feel trapped, defeated, angry, lonely, a little panicky, and I regret. Basically, I'm in a bad spot at the moment as I wrestle with these feelings and try, try to be positive. I know I work with and am getting to know a small group of awesome women in town. I am also learning a lot about nonprofits through CULA, which is something I had wanted to learn for many years. But I lack purpose and new stimulation, which is an especially hard spot for 7's (enneagram) to be in. I have mixed feelings about turning 30 and had hoped to be on some next adventure - with a purpose, of course - by then. Matt knows all this, but he's motivated by different things than I am, and can only understand so much it seems. To wrestle your own demons is rather lonely, I'm afraid.

I had a brief respite from these feelings in the ten days that Matt, Mark, and I backpacked around West Virginia and then visited Jess. Dolly Sods can compare with Maine, Shining Rock, and the Grayson Highlands. It was also great to see Dave, Patrick, Kevin and enjoy The Mountain Institute's campus without having to work shifts.